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beachy_jess
27 November 2006 @ 03:44 pm
You ever had one of those weeks where everything is just confusing beyond beleif? If it wasn't for Mikayla, Manny, Alex & a lot of alcohol I don't know what I would do with myself sometimes. Weird how some things change. A few months ago I would have easily been one of the most hated people in Toronto. These days, I have good friends that I can depend on. My days of homewrecker have officially been put behind me. It's weird because I don't exactly know when it happened.

Some things to make note of:
  • Congrats Sean & Alex. Just looking at you guys, gives me hope that my soulmate is out there!
  • Craig's album is rocking my stereo! Too bad he's such a jerk. Poor Manny.
  • Mikayla is going to be a soccer player. She's already kicking anything that comes near her feet! Such a daddy's girl.
  • Britney Spears is an ugly whore.
  • Strip clubs are fun but trouble :P
  • Spinner is the sweetest guy in the entire world.
I guess I've also been hanging out with Hogart a lot lately. I swear he's psychic. Everytime I feel stressed, he seems to magically appear. He makes me laugh like no other person in this town. I guess it would be safe to say I'm falling for him.But its weird, I mean I'm still in love with Sully, arent I? I don't even know anymore. Part of me thinks I will always love Sully because he's Mikayla's dad and because I loved him so deeply. But Jay is new and exciting and just fun. I love being around him. When he hooked up with Britney that night, I was suprised at how much it hurt me. Sully and I still hang out a lot. I mean hello, we have a daughter together. He wants more. He can't understand that I don't think it will ever be the way it was. It can't be. He hurt me too much. I know he's being genuine and that he really does love me but I can't help feeling hurt that he couldn't of realised this when we were together. Maybe he just doesn't want to see me with Jay? In fact, I do believe there is a soccer game, that Mikki and I must be running too. Since we have to pick Manny up on the way, I best be going.

Ciao!

 
 
beachy_jess
26 October 2006 @ 12:57 pm
Oh wow. Hard to believe the last time I updated this, I wasn't a mother. It feels like Mikayla Heather Sullivan has been in my life forever. It also feels like I haven't slept in 2 weeks, which is pretty much accurate. Labour was horrible; as I'm sure Sully and Heather will tell you from the bruising in their hands. I can't believe i went into labour in the RAVINE of all places. Not to mention the whole Ellie/Sully/Me mess. He proposed to me after the birth. What was I supposed to say? Um sure. I will marry you knowing you're in love with Ellie, of course !

I've been hanging out with Manny alot lately. She's been an amazing friend. I don't know what I would do without her and Heather in my life. We're both in the same predicament at the moment with Craig and Sully. DAMN ELLIE NASH. I also caught up with Jay Hogart. We hadn't hung out in awhile and thought it was about time we did. It was fun :) so we had sex. it was great sex too. I thought sleeping with Jay would help me get over the hurt and everything with Sully, help me move on. Turns out it did the exact opposite. I love Sully so much.

Sully and I are all good too btw. We're going to be a real family; he moves in on the weekend. Can you imagine Sully living with all us girls? I promise baby that we can redecorate our room any way you want :P I really want us to work out.



 
 
beachy_jess
09 October 2006 @ 02:28 pm
..since i last updated this thing. God its crazy to think about. I'm almost 5 months along in my pregnancy. Hard to believe how time flies...Sully & I do know the sex of our baby; we're having a little girl. Can you imagine Sully with a daughter? I can just see him giving all the guys she tries to date a stern talking to - conveniently forgetting what he was like at this age lol. I'm actually really excited about this whole process. We felt her kick for the first time the other day and it was amazing. So far its just flutters in my tummy but I seriously cannot wait until she starts kicking like the kickass soccer player she is bound to be!  Sully has been amazing. completely amazing. Seriously. I don't know what I would do without him.

Heather has been amazing too. Really. My #1 craving is Apples. Apple Pie, Apple Sauce, Apple Juice. She makes sure our fridge is always stocked; not to mention the insane time we've been having picking out baby furnature and stuff. I haven't seen Toby in awhile. I'm not really sure what's going on with him. Also I might of maybe fallen for Sully again. Its so confusing. What with Toby not around.. and Sully just being there. Its more then that now. I've realised that I *do* love him. Yeah I'm completely screwed. I know I need to actually talk to Toby and at least tell him whats going on but he's been so MIA lately that its hard to even find time to talk to him.

I was looking through pictures, and found a few that were pretty cool. The first one is of Heather & I and an australian backpacker we met in Windsor. He was such a sweetie. He spent most of the night talking to us about kangaroos and "road trains" How funny! The second one is an outtake from a photo shoot we did awhile back for a teen magazine. I think Heather mentioned it in her journal? The clothes were AWESOME. They had a great maternity section.




 
 
beachy_jess
29 August 2006 @ 11:23 am
I'm writing this in a cute little internet cafe in Windsor. Since the boys were away and all, Heather and I decided to have ourselves a mini vacation. What better then a girly road trip? i really needed to just get away and clear my head, between Sully and Toby and this baby, I just feel like exploding. Plus I've been really sick, and the smell of coffee and therefore the dot is driving me crazy.

It's so nice and prettty here. I found a couple of really cute outfits, and Heather and I have mostly been bumming around. The guys here are so hot! But hey, I have Sully so I'm not exactly looking too hard ;) is it bad that i walked past this shop today, saw this guy and he instantly reminded me of Toby? I had this overwhelming urge to call him, it feels like forever since we talked. Toby I think I found your twin down here, no joke - it was crazy weird! Do you have any relations in Windsor?

I do miss Sully though. He's so sweet and considerate; plus he's making me feel like maybe this all will work out for the better for us. We can be a little family

Well I gotta go. My time is up. But I should be back in Toronto around the 4th! Ciao!
 
 
beachy_jess
21 August 2006 @ 11:12 am
Sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I’ve been sick and pregnant and sick can mean the same thing right? working my ass off. Heather is the best roomie ever; she’s always there at the end of the day with a smile and supportive words. It’s good to have someone like her around; because I start classes in a week and getting ready for it all is a little overwhelming.

Being pregnant is the most overwhelming though; I don’t believe in abortion and I know that I couldn’t possibly carry my baby to term, only to give it away. So I guess that means in 9 months I’m going to be a mother. Heather has been so supportive; I guess she understands. I mean virtually she’s had to become a mom to her brothers. Lately I’ve felt like she’s family. Like we’re all a family, which is a really great feeling.Toby and I broke up; I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. He’s an amazing guy and I’m sure that he will find the right girl for him. I just can’t believe this has happened, just when everything was going so great – everything falls around my feet, I owe it to my child to give it a go with Sully. I mean I do have feelings for the guy and we do get along incredibly well. You can’t deny chemistry but…I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I mean has Sully ever been loyal to anyone? I do have feelings for Tobes too, how could you not? He’s so sweet and supportive and he didn’t run a mile when I said I was pregnant. It was still my decision to stay with Sully.

Sully and I caught up yesterday; and talked about stuff. I told him about my pregnancy. He was really supportive and wants to be there for us. He wants us to be a family. I was kind of scared about how calm he was about the whole thing. Especially since I’m freaking out so much. We decided to give our relationship a go; we’ve always gotten along really well and there is a lot that keeps us going back to each other. like a baby for one I really think things will work out for us. I mean we care about each other and we respect each other, which is the first good signs right? Sean I know you think I’m crazy but I know what I’m doing okay? I know what’s best for me. I still can’t believe I told Sean of all people everything, but I just needed to talk to someone and Heather was out. I hope he keeps his mouth shut.

Send the hate mail somewhere else; I don’t need it.
 
 
 
beachy_jess
17 August 2006 @ 11:51 pm
I'm late. Oh fuck no.
 
 
beachy_jess
14 August 2006 @ 12:48 pm

Ugh; People should really be banned from having multiple births! Just finished an exhausting shift at the Dot, and cleaning up after screaming, bratty, intolerable two-year-old triplets and their equally annoying parents? This is definitely not my idea of a productive working environment. I’m going to be psyched when College starts and I can cut back to part time. The only highlight in an otherwise crappy day was that Sean came in at the end of my shift and we had a really long talk about the way things have been between us. I think we’re actually going to be friends; which is great coz it feels strange not talking to someone who you spent so many great times with.

 

He opened up a little bit about the Ellie situation. I contemplated talking to him about Sully but decided against it. They aren’t exactly buddies.

 

I’ve been spending tons of time with Toby; he’s such a sweetheart. I can honestly say that for the first time in awhile I’m really happy to be with someone who is nice and dependable. Such a change from the loser types that usually frequent my life. Except I totally slept with Sully last week. I don’t even know how it happened. We were both talking about Tobes and Ash and how happy we were, and then it was just like… we were having sex. We have this connection, sometimes I know what he’s thinking before he thinks it, and I know it’s the same with him. Two peas in a pod. So if I’m so happy with Toby.. why is Sully even an issue?

 

I’m going to go see if Heather wants to watch Pretty Woman, that movie can cheer anyone up! She's been so sad since she broke up with Spinner, and I feel like I haven't been around enough for her. Poor thing. I think lots and lots of chocolate is in order! Ciao!

 
 
beachy_jess
11 July 2006 @ 02:43 pm
Alright so apparently I'm the new bitch of Toronto? Whatever. People can't share cabs now? Sean you really need to mind your own business. Whatever I am so over it. Alright so maybe Sully and I did sleep together. So what? Him and Ellie are over. One thing led to another, we were drinking and we both needed the freaking stress relief after the party from hell. Heather and I hung around the house most of today, just chilling out. Talked to her about the whole Sully/Ellie/Sean situation, she has this way of seeing the light and making sense. I so love that girl! We watched the first Pirates of the Carribbean move in anticipation of me going to see it tonight!or not since Toby is apparently mad at me too?

Toook Sully to check out the damage to his car. It was pretty bad. Liberty; whoever you are? I would hide. He was so upset. I felt so bad for him, he really isn't having a great week at ALL.If anyone wants to hang out, AIM: xxJwaverunnerxx
 
 
beachy_jess
04 July 2006 @ 11:44 pm
tomorrow's a brand new day

So I'm actually starting to get settled here in Toronto. How cool is that? I love living with Heather, it's almost like having an instant family. I was an only child so I never really got to experience much of this kind of lifestyle. Also - Heather and I have a bit in common including great fashion sense, so we get along great. Finally I really have a place to call home. Is it weird that I miss my dad? I know how much he hurt me but I can't help feeling like I somehow abandoned him. Called him the other night - he barely wanted to talk to me. Just kept saying how dissapointed my mother would be in my behaviour and running away with a boy. What was the difference between leaving Wasaga at the beginning of the summer instead of the end? I mean I was going to university here in Toronto anyways. I just wish he would not hate me quite so much.

I haven't really had much time to socialise; between getting settled and working at the Dot, but I have managed to catch up with a few people. Sully and I bonded over coffee. Hehe you know you are totally my soulmate Sullivan. We'll have to do it again sometime ;). Seriously though, he seemed really cool and evryone (okay Sean) had made him seem like such a monster. Is it such a bad thing to be proud of your sexuality. I mean what is wrong with sex right? It's fun.. and if there are no strings attached, how can you get hurt? Just coz you have sex with one person, doesn't mean you love someone else less. Sean also came to see me on my shift today. Guess you could say we called a truce. Gave him some advice about the whole Ellie situation. Not sure if he'll take it but if he does things are bound to get interesting. I'm a shitstirrer I know. I love it.I mean deep down he's a good guy. I know that and he's been unbeleivably good to me lately so.. I guess I owe him a second chance at least. Just don't EVER run away without a goodbye again alright Cameron?

Better go. I'm supposed to be helping the twins with homework. Oh the perks of playing the older sister. More like going dancing & drinking with Sully. But like I'm going to tell the world that. Do I look stupid to you? :P Catch yas.



 
 
beachy_jess
26 June 2006 @ 05:14 pm
Alright. Amazing how a few days can change everything. I'm now living in Toronto and staying with Sean Cameron. Well at the moment anyway. I still need to find someplace else. Its pretty official that we can't live together. Yeah ok. Big Bad Sean rides in like a knight in shining armour to save me. I still have my issues with him that arent just going to magically disappear. He left me. I hate him for that. I think I might have been in love with him... and he just left. He isnt getting my forgiveness that easily. I'm going to be out of his house within a week

I managed to find a job fairly quickly; Sean told me that the Dot was hiring.. so I put a resume in. People must of been desperate coz I got a call back less then 20 minutes later saying I was hired. Can't be any worse then waitressing down the boardwalk I suppose. Also Alex works there, and we got along pretty well when I met her with Sean. She's hot that one. Could be interesting, having had flirtations with a girl for awhile

Went to a party last night. It was alright,Sean was all over that Ellie girl. Vomit Worthy. Really I met a bunch of new people. & managed to kiss a few too. Paige, Alexkinda hot, Ellieawkward much and Jay. Spin the Bottle should never be played after much consumption of alcohol. I think I'm going to like TO.

Having coffee with Sully tomorrow. If anyone wants to IM me: xxJwaverunnerxx
 
 
 
beachy_jess
22 June 2006 @ 11:51 am
Small ficlet, Jess gets a phone call from Sean.

Call someone who caresCollapse )
 
 
beachy_jess
20 June 2006 @ 10:18 pm
I am so over this place. Or maybe more specifically, so over living with Dad. Things have been getting way worse lately. Ever since Mum died he's been drinking way too much; and when he drinks, he's angry. Then I end up having to cover up bruises with foundation all week. So not cool. Oh well, not like I have to actually stick around here much longer. My acceptance letter came from University of Toronto. I cannot wait to study Marine Biology there next year. It's going to be sad leaving my friends behind but you get that with moving on.

Speaking of moving on. Ran into Sean Cameron's parents down at the supermarket, turns out he's coming down for the weekend? WTF. Guy takes off about a month ago; without a word as to why he's leaving and now he's coming back to town? If I see him I swear to god; I'm going to kick him in the balls. either that or throw my arms around him and never let him go. I hate him for leaving me. I know that we were broken up or whatever but.. c'mon surely he could see what was going on.

Maybe I'll let him explain a little first. Then I will kick him in the balls. For Sure.

Or beg him to take me back to Toronto with him